


A Very Special Epilogue

by sicklysk8r



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Flu, Gem Biology, Gem Fusion, Gen, Influenza, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pseudoscience, Sick Character, Sick Steven Universe, Sickfic, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stress Sickness, Whump, based on A Very Special Episode, canon compliant until Growing Pains, researched
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 7,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21857299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicklysk8r/pseuds/sicklysk8r
Summary: Steven overworked himself, and now he has to suffer the consequences of that.This takes place during/after "A Very Special Episode," before Sunstone's pause. This assumes that most of the events of the episode happened, but were overly dramatized in a later recorded video for Sunstone’s safety training purposes.
Comments: 165
Kudos: 576





	1. Chapter 1

As Amethyst arrived, everyone looked to her.

"Steven! This is a Smoky job! They can grapple!"

"Right!!" Steven shouted, taking Amethyst's hand, ignoring the exhaustion in his body as he fused.

Sweating, Smoky took a breath before summoning a yo-yo and grasping onto all the falling gems below.   
“Hey… this isn’t… a bungee jumping course…!” Smoky joked tiredly.   
After bringing them right back up, Smoky unsummoned their yo-yos and fell to the floor, panting.

"Garnet. Pearl," Smoky let out between breaths. "Something… is wrong…"

Garnet and Pearl approached cautiously as Smoky began to deform and unfuse.

Amethyst got up in a rush.

"Steven, what was--"

Amethyst cut herself off with a gasp as Steven held his head with a sway, tripped backward, and ended up on the ground, practically drenched with sweat.

As Steven collapsed, moaning in overexertion, the other gems looked to him, then to each other.

"...Steven…?" Amethyst questions with concern.

Pearl and Garnet cautiously approach Steven on either of his sides. The student gems all begin to gather nearby, murmuring their confusion and concern, making Amethyst turn toward them.

"Okay! You're all safe now. Don't walk that close to the edge of cliffs, okay guys?" 

The group of gems tried to get a better look at Steven.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Amethyst huffed, herding them away. "Nothin' to see here! Move along!"

As she backed them away, Garnet scooped up Steven bridal style.

"He must've overworked himself with all that  _ running _ and  _ fusing _ and  _ unfusing _ and--" Pearl began fretfully, but Garnet interrupted, placing a hand on Pearl's shoulder.

"Pearl. He'll be fine."

"But Garnet, he's unconscious!"

"Pearl. Take a deep breath. Steven will be fine."

Pearl attempted to take a deep breath, but only let part of it out.

"...Okay. We should let him rest in his bedroom," Pearl concluded. "We can make sure he's not dehydrated when he wakes up."

Garnet nods, then began to walk back to the temple, Steven remaining unconscious in her arms, still sweating.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems try to figure out what happened to cause Steven to collapse.

"Garnet, when did you say he would wake up?" Pearl asks nervously as she paces in Steven's living room.

"I didn't give a time. I just said that he would."

"So when is he waking up!?" Amethyst growls with frustration.

"Give him time," Garnet responds. "He needs rest."

"Come on, Garnet, it's been  _ hours!" _ Amethyst says, audibly frustrated. "This is almost as long as he sleeps at night!"

"When he  _ does _ sleep at night," Pearl grumbles under her breath. 

"What'd you say, P?" Amethyst questions.

"Well, he's been missing some nights of sleep entirely lately," Pearl admits. "I asked him about it, but he just keeps saying that he's  _ fine _ … much in the way he did today, after he brought Onion to the Safety Geminar."

Pearl's eyes flash with a sudden realization as she looks down to Steven's sweaty, unconscious form.

"...wait a minute. We felt  _ awful _ as Rainbow Quartz toward the end. I thought Steven was just  _ exhausted _ , but…"

"...But?" Amethyst questions with frustration.

"...there's a reason Rainbow said he felt, well,  _ bad, _ to paraphrase. I think Steven may have driven himself to illness."

"Wait--but he hasn't gotten sick since his gem powers came in!" Amethyst protests. "Why would it be happening now?"

"He did overuse his gem powers," Garnet chimes in flatly.

"So he, like, ran out of power?"

"I suppose it's possible," Pearl says with uncertainty. "We'll keep an eye on him, but it  _ could _ just be his way of catching up on all that sleep he's missed."

Garnet gives a single nod, and all three gems look down at Steven, whose baggy eyes and sweaty skin seem to make them all just a tad bit nervous.


	3. Chapter 3

_ Pink Steven stares you in the eye. Unblinking. _

_ Unmoving. _

_ You gasp and take a sudden step back, then fall to the ground, your body heavier than your mind as you struggle to hold yourself up. _

"...How did…?"

_ You press your hand to your stomach, shaking like a leaf. The action makes your muscles burn and tingle, shooting pains running through as if each of your limbs were about to fall off at the joint. The faceted stone that should be embedded there is missing. _

_ Your eyes widen in shock, never looking away from the pink entity before you. _

_ Pink Steven speaks, and though only rhythmic ringing sounds can be heard from your uncertain ears, you cover them in a desperate panic. _

_ Your head. _

_ It's pounding. _

_ Pink Steven reaches out a hand and takes a step forward. _

"No!"  _ you shout, scooting back in terror.  _ "S-stay away!!"

_ Pink Steven continues to approach, shining white butterflies beginning to swirl around your gem half in a coil, making your own eyes widen in terror. _

"No!! Stop!!  _ DON'T!!" _

_ With a raise of your pink self’s hand, the massive, writhing mass of butterflies crashes down upon you from overhead. You're drowning in them. _

_ And that's when you realize. _

I can't breathe.

Steven gasps harshly as he startles awake into a sitting position, coughing and panting, the expression on his face of pallored horror.

_ "Steven!" _ all three gems call in concern.

Pearl is first to approach, putting her hands on Steven's shoulders as he continues to hyperventilate, pulling at his own collar in a panic as though to keep it from touching his neck.

"...Steven, try to calm down. Everything is calm. No one is hurt."

Steven begins to settle down, his hyperventilation slowing to a steady pant as he lowers his head.

Still pulling at his collar, he places his other hand against his forehead, tiring.

_ "Uuungh…" _ Steven moans exhaustedly.

"Steven. How are you feeling," Garnet asks flatly.

"Like I fell off a cliff," he huffs sarcastically. "My head is  _ pounding.  _ Why is it so  _ hot _ in here?"

"You wore your jacket to sleep," Garnet informs him.

Steven looks quickly at himself, realizing suddenly that he's still in his day clothes.

"...uh. I don't remember going to bed."

"That's because I carried you while you took a nap."

_ "Nap!?" _ Steven practically roars. "What are you talking about!?"

"You passed out after overworking yourself," Pearl tells him with great concern. "I'm sorry. I only made things worse with my wanting to fuse."

"Uuuugh," Steven groans lowly, lying back down as he closes his eyes. "I'm so tired."

"You should have some water," Garnet tells him. "Then you should continue to rest."

"Garnet, I'm fine. I don't want any more sleep."

"Come on, Ste-man," Amethyst says with concern. "You were so tired you passed out. You’ve been out for  _ hours, _ dude."

Steven's eyes shoot open and he sits back up.

"Wait-- what time is it!?"

"It's about eleven P.M," Pearl informs him. "You remained unconscious for nearly eight hours."

_ "Eight hours!? _ I was supposed to do a video call with Connie today!"

"Connie will understand, Steven," Pearl reassures.

"I was supposed to help Peridot and Lapis with their morp class!"

"Steven, they--" Pearl tries, but Steven interrupts.

"And then Dad and I were supposed to have dinner together!"

"Is your schedule always this  _ busy? _ " Amethyst questions.

Steven growls wordlessly before answering.  
  
_ "Of course it is! _ " he hisses. "You think the  _ savior of the universe _ gets a  _ break!?" _

"He  _ should, _ " Amethyst says with some frustration.

As Steven is about to snap at Amethyst, he begins to turn a glowing pink, spreading slowly from his gem, but it quickly retracts as Steven turns and begins to loudly cough. The other gems look on in confusion and mild panic.

He covers his mouth with one hand, wrapping his forearm over his stomach as if to bar it in place. The cough is harsh, sounding chesty.

He pants with surprise, looking down at the hand he coughed into with anxiety as it finally stops.

"...that's unusual…" he admits aloud.


	4. Chapter 4

As he and the gems continue to stare at his hand, Steven lets out a somewhat frightened sigh.

"...uh… this isn't a gem thing, right?" Steven questions.

"Well, I've never seen you do much that would lead to gem illness," Pearl admits. "Steven, do you store things in your gem?"

"I don't even know if or _h_ _ow_ I could do that," he admits, then sighs again, running a hand through his hair.

"Then I can't see any reason for this to be a gem based situation."

"...So… this is a human thing?" Steven questions oddly hopefully.

All three gems are surprised by his tone.

They all freeze in place when Steven's stomach suddenly growls strangely.

"Oh! You're probably hungry after missing lunch and dinner," Pearl smiles. "I'll get you something to--"

_ "--Nngh. Pearl, no," _ Steven whispers, one arm around his stomach as he shakes, the other grasping the bottom edge of Pearl's jacket.

"...Steven?" Pearl questions hesitantly.

After a moment of stressful, confused silence, Steven slaps a hand over his mouth in a panic as he throws the blanket off his legs, then makes a mad dash out of his bedroom.

"Wait!  _ Steven!" _ Pearl calls as she hurries to follow.

Steven vomits into the toilet.

_ What's going on? _

_ This isn't my gem failing again, is it? _

_ Did I get food poisoning, like Amethyst does sometimes? _

Steven's thought process is interrupted by another bout of puking.

"Steven!" Pearl says as she hurries in. "Are you alright?"

_ "Pearl, I… I feel awful," _ Steven admits, an arm around his stomach as he begins to cry, shaking.

He vomits a third time, and Pearl leans down to rub his back soothingly.

As she rubs, Steven vomiting more in the background, Pearl pulls out her phone, thanking the stars that she had thought to charge it.

She dials Greg's number.

_ "...hello? Pearl? Do you know what time it is?" _

"Greg, something is wrong with Steven," she tells him seriously.

Steven gags, then vomits once more.

_ "Oh jeez. Was that him?" _

"Yes it was. None of us think this is gem related, so we need  _ you." _

_ "I'll be right there. Just try to get him to drink some water, okay?" _

"I'll try."

Pearl hangs up the phone as Steven gags again.

"Steven, I'm going to get you some water, okay?" Pearl tells him gently.

Steven doesn't answer, exhausted and shaking as he pants.

The room spun. Like the teacup ride. Like the spinning room pyramid. Like hurtling through space in a bubble. Like Spinel shaking him up and down. Like nothing would just  _ stop moving. _

Steven gagged again.

_ Why? Why is this happening? _


	5. Chapter 5

Greg rubs an eye, moving himself into the driver’s seat of his van. If Pearl called, and if the gagging he’d heard in the background was anything to go by, his son must be pretty horribly ill.

Greg started up the van, thinking back. When  _ was _ the last time Steven had been ill? Truly ill, and not just motion sick?

It was certainly before Steven’s powers started to fully develop, back when Steven was thirteen. Maybe even further back than that. The whole reason Greg thought nothing of it before was because he’d assumed gems couldn’t get sick, and maybe later down the line, that had included Steven.

But maybe not.   
  


As Greg got close to the house, he parked the van and hurried inside. Whatever this was, Steven needed his dad to be there for him.

As Greg approaches the bathroom, he finds Pearl helping Steven take sips from a glass of water, Steven’s back against the cabinets of the sink. Greg certainly wasn’t expecting Steven to be as pale as he’d been during the worst of the Spinel situation, but Steven was very close to that, if not already there.   
  
As Steven glances up at his father, Greg gives a sympathetic smile.   
“Hey, Schtuball.”   
_ “Hi, Dad,” _ Steven croaks, making Greg’s smile falter.   
“Yikes, kiddo,” Greg says with concern as he kneels on the floor by his son. “Your throat sounds  _ painful.” _   
Steven nods.   
_ “Can we get off the ride now?” _ Steven practically whispers.   
“...What?” Pearl and Greg question in tandem. They then look to each other, teeth clenched.   
After a second, Greg pointedly shrugs.   
“...Uh, care to run that by us again, Steven?” Greg asks.   
_ “I don’t wanna spin anymore…” _ Steven whimpers weakly, placing his hand against his face.   
“Hoh boy,” Greg winces. “Steven, we’re not spinning. We’re not in a ride. This is your  _ bathroom. _ ”

Greg glances at Steven’s stomach as it gurgles strangely again.   
Steven turns toward the toilet and gags into it, but nothing comes up this time. It doesn’t stop his stomach from trying twice more.   
Finally, he throws up a bit of water and bile.

“...Maybe I should call Dr. Maheswaran…” Greg says through clenched teeth.

Pearl nods nervously.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays, everyone. To those of you who are watching this fic, have an extra chapter for a holiday gift. :)

It's hot.

It's so hot.

It's so dry.

_ It's so desert. _

Steven felt his ears ringing. It feels like he'd just been beaten up by Spinel all over again, his body throbbing and his ribs aching like they were cracked.

It felt almost as though…

Pink Steven's eyes flashed briefly in Steven's mind. Blank. Cold.  _ Staring. _

Was that what was going on? Was his gem just…  _ turned off? _

Being just his human half hurt this much.

Steven felt a wave of horror. Oh no. Would that mean that… he was  _ dying? _

Steven hugged the gem embedded in his stomach, scared and dizzy and reliving his nightmare, butterflies swarming and spiraling and circling around him. They wouldn't stop coming. He couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, a flash of freezing cold. Steven yelled wordlessly at the top of his lungs in surprise. What's going on!?

Steven fought to get out of wherever he was. Whatever this abysmal  _ cold _ was.

"Steven!" Greg shouts over all the thrashing and splashing, trying to hold his son in place in the bathtub. "I know the water's cold, but you gotta relax, buddy!"

Steven clenches his teeth in desperation as he summons his shield, knocking his father's arms away despite his feeling weak.

He scrambles out of the tub in a panic, but quickly plummets to the floor as the light of his gem flickers for a moment. It then fades to its usual color.

"...Steven?" Greg questions cautiously.

"He doesn't appear to be aware," Priyanka sighs. "I'm sure this is the flu, but it seems he may also have other things afoot. Tell me--has he gotten enough sleep?"

"He's been skipping nights of sleep here and there," Pearl informs her. "And he's been waking up  _ earlier _ and  _ earlier. _ Just two nights ago, he woke up at four a.m. for the day. Then he hadn't slept since, until he collapsed."

Pearl covers her cheek, lamenting.

"I just wish I knew what was keeping him awake."

"...then this seems pretty cut and dry," Priyanka states. "He's dehydrated, fevered, and sleepless. The perfect hallucinatory trifecta."

"Will he be okay?" Pearl begs.

"If we can get him enough fluids and rest, he will."

"Thank the stars," Pearl smiles with relief, but her smile fades as she looks down at Steven, once again collapsed and unconscious. "But… how do we get him hydrated, then?"

"Well, that may require a hospital trip after all."

Pearl felt all her relief leave her at once.


	7. Chapter 7

Steven opens his eyes groggily. What was this… place? Nowhere in the beach house looks like this…

Steven sits up dizzily, holding his head. It throbs painfully, making him hiss through his teeth.

"Steven! You're awake!" Pearl smiles. She scoops him into a hug.

Steven blinks, then looks around the strange white room.

"...uh… Pearl?" he croaks. Boy, is his throat dry…

"Yes, Steven?"

"Where… am I?"

"In the human hospital, where Connie's mother works.”

_ "What!? What happened!? Am I dying!?" _

"No! Steven! Calm down!"

Steven looks to her fearfully.

"...you  _ just _ have the flu. Everything's going to be fine."

"Why am I in a hospital!?  _ Why isn't my spit healing me!? _ "

"Steven. We both know your powers are tied to your emotions. And you've not only been deprived of sleep, but you overworked yourself yesterday. Your human body  _ and _ your gem powers were pretty used up. It's certainly no  _ wonder _ your healing powers wouldn't work on you.”

Steven relaxes slightly.

"...is my gem okay?"

"It's fine, Steven. You even summoned your shield with no issue a few hours ago. This has nothing to do with your gem."

Steven relaxes further, practically melting into the hospital bed.

"...so why am I in a hospital, then? I thought flus weren't that bad."

"Because you were so  _ dehydrated, _ " Pearl answers sadly. "And you were so delirious in your fever."

"Delirious?" Steven questions. "Did I do anything weird?"

"Well, you asked us to make the room stop spinning a few times. And you were throwing up, and--"

"--Oh I remember  _ that _ part," Steven sighs with exasperation. "Ugh. I'm double-checking my schedule from now on. No more double-bookings of Steven Universe!"

"I'm glad. But first, let's get you well again."

Steven lies back, pulling up the hospital covers.

"... what's this thing?" Steven asks, pointing to the needle in his arm.

"That's for intravenous fluids," Pearl informs him. "To hydrate you directly through the bloodstream. Or give you certain medicines that way."

Steven stares at it with slight discomfort.

"It was the only way we could think to hydrate you enough."

Steven startles before he begins to harshly cough into his hand again. He feels something move in his lung, then move out of his lung a few coughs later.

Steven looks down at his hand in surprise and disgust as he sees bright green mucus spotted across his hand.

"...uh, Pearl, please pass me a tissue."

Pearl gets up, handing him the tissue box.

"What's wrong, Steven?"

Steven takes a tissue and wipes off his hand.

"I'm coughing up  _ gunk. _ This hasn't happened since I was a little kid. I guess I'm not used to knowing what it feels like anymore to be just…  _ sick." _

"That's certainly understandable," Pearl says with concern. "It's been significantly less frequent for you than the average human."

"Guess I'm lucky that way."

Pearl doesn't answer as Steven lies back down, falling asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Pearl finds herself staring at Steven in his sleep, but this time, not in intrigue or worries based in pure chance.

No, this time there was a basis for her anxiety.

Steven had never needed a hospital, and they all had hoped to keep it that way. His biology remained a mystery to humanity and gemkind alike. Steven in critical condition is not an option.

Steven in critical condition is game over.

"Pearl," Greg says behind her, making her flinch as he comes in.

As Pearl's hands fly up to shoulder height in her surprise, Greg takes a startled step back himself.

"...sorry, Greg!" Pearl says with some embarrassment as she looks solemnly away. "I was just… thinking about something."

"How this stuff is rare for Steven?" Greg guesses aloud.

"Yes, I'll admit I'm… a bit confused. And very concerned. There's… so much we don't  _ know _ about Steven! About his body, and how it works! There aren't any experts on this, there are no specialists, nothing!"

"Pearl, I share those fears and all, but… this really does just seem to be the flu. As long as he keeps hydrated, fed, and rested, he should be okay."

Pearl heaves a sigh.

"...I know, I just can't help but think that--"

Both caretakers stop to look at Steven as he gives a discomforted hum in his sleep.

Steven shifts with discomfort, sweat beading on his face.

Greg and Pearl stare.

Steven shortly settles again, but his face remains contorted in either pain or displeasure.

_ "Should we wake him up?" _ Greg whispers.

_ "Shh,"  _ Pearl hisses back, and the two stop once more as Steven begins to mumble in his sleep.

_ "Don't… do it…."  _ Steven croaks.  _ "The… butterflies are…" _

Steven trails off into incomprehensible mumbling.

Greg and Pearl look to each other.

"...Maybe we should ask Garnet about this," Greg suggests, audibly on edge.

"Agreed."


	9. Chapter 9

  
  


_ Once again, Pink Steven stares you down. _

_ Cold, unfeeling, and approaching slowly. And you. You can’t move. _

_ Behind him stands the grinning face of who you know to have malicious intent, her glowing white form all but like sunshine in your eyes as you wish she would be anywhere else. _

_   
_ _ Pink Steven stops. _

_ He isn’t even close. He’s maybe fifteen feet away. And Connie isn’t here to bring you closer to your other self. _

_ Is this how you die? _

  
  


**_S H E ’ S G O O O O O N E ! ! !_ **

  
  


_ The booming, echoing voice sends a wave of fiery shocks through your nerves and bones, every piece of your body feeling like it’s about to break as the scream, the only thing you can truly hear, tears through the ground as though pounding dough. _

_ You cover your ears, trying to will the pain away. You need to get to him. You need to hold him. _

_ You need to live. _

_ Pink Steven turns toward White Diamond, reaching out his hand. _ _   
_ _   
_ “NO!! DON’T DO IT!!”

_ As there’s a blast of blinding light, and Pink Steven holds up his shield, your eyes widen as you realize that a wave of butterflies larger than White Diamond herself is beginning to swirl, tearing the ground apart with it. _

_ Pink Steven looks to you blankly as the ground begins to split apart. _ _   
_ _   
_ “No!! Please!!  _ The butterflies!!  _ The butterflies are going to--”

_ You yelp as you lose ground, beginning to fall, separated from your other half. _

_ This must be it. _

_ This is how you die. _

  
  


Steven opens his eyes suddenly, exhausted and pained.

His hand brushes against his gem, and he relaxes, closing his eyes once more before sitting up.   
He rubs his eyes this time, then looks about.   
No one is here.

Strange, Pearl at least would normally stick around at a time like this. Did something come up? Maybe it was class time.

Steven glances around for a clock, then soon spots one.

Five.

Five A.M. or five P.M.?

Ah, what does it matter, at this point? He didn’t have his phone, he didn’t have his class schedule, he didn’t have anything that would let him make his time here productive.

Steven grumbles wordlessly, then gets out of bed.

Sleep isn’t an option anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Greg returns to the hospital room, slowly opening the door to find his son exhaustedly doodling on a notepad with a pen.

"Hey, Schtuball," Greg says with concern. "Uh… what are you drawing?"

"Right now, Sadie."

Greg glances at his son's drawings. He's already drawn several faces from both Little Homeworld and Beach City.

"...Ah. Well. How're you feeling?"

"Tired, mostly. Kinda nauseous?" Steven responds, his voice cracking through the questioning tone.

"Too nauseous to sleep?"

"No, it's not that, it's--"

Steven stops himself, pauses, and looks away with discomfort.

"... it's the  _ nightmares _ , isn't it?" Greg guesses, concerned.

Steven flinches.

"I--  _ what!? How did you know about those?" _

"It's not hard to guess, Steven. You were talking in your sleep."

Steven stares at his father with horror in his eyes before he shakes it off.

"What did I say!?"

"Uh, something about butterflies? After crying out for someone to not do something?"

Steven pales slightly.

"Buddy, is there something you need to talk about?"

_ "Nope! Perfectly fine!" _ Steven squeaks unconvincingly.

"Look, kiddo. I'm not gonna force you. But bottling this stuff up isn't good for you. It's okay to… not be okay."

Steven's shoulders fall as he looks guiltily at his drawings.

"...I've… just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

_ "Steven. _ You--"

"I said that's  _ all!" _ Steven growls, making Greg flinch back in surprise at his son's anger.

Steven's gem begins to glow, a soft pink beginning to spread through his skin from the stone before it quickly fades, Steven turning to cough harshly and wetly instead.

"Steven! Are you okay? What just happened?"

Steven shortly recovers from his coughing bout, then looks at Greg solemnly.

"I'm  _ fine,  _ Dad. It's just a cough."

"You should try to get more rest, Kiddo."

"I  _ really _ don't want more sleep."

Greg falls quiet, concerned but stuck.


	11. Chapter 11

...

Don’t fall asleep.   
That’s the name of the game. Just don’t sleep. Just don’t sleep, and everything will be fine.

_ I’m fine. _

Just fine!

Who said he wasn’t fine?

Steven was fine!

The pains in his chest, stomach, and head were clear. He was not fine. At the very least, not physically.   
_ As if the nightmares aren’t any indication, _ Steven thinks, but then shuts his eyes and forces the thought away.   
_ No! The dreams are nothing! I wasn’t even there for the war. Gems were shattered in front of the others! They probably have things way worse! _

Steven swallows at nothing, trying to wet his dry throat and ease his worsening nausea. How long were humans usually sick for? A few days?

A few days of this sounded like torture. He  _ needed _ to get back to work!

“...Dad?” Steven finally pipes up amidst the long silence.   
“Yeah, Steven?”   
“Do you have my phone?”   
“No, sorry. You didn’t have it on you when we left for the hospital.”

“Would you be willing to get it? Also the class schedule and my notebooks? And my phone charger, of course.”   
“Steven, are you sure you want to be  _ working _ while sick like this? You clearly had it pretty bad. Your fever was  _ really _ high…”

“I’m sure, Dad.”   
“...Look, kiddo, I’m not so sure I can--”   
_ “I said I was sure, Dad!” _ Steven growls.   
Greg flinches at his son’s tone.

“...Okay, now I’m  _ definitely _ not getting your scheduling stuff. This is… really  _ unlike _ you. Shouldn’t you be doing that stuff with a clear head, anyway? You were  _ delirious _ earlier.”   
Steven groans with frustration.   
_ “I don’t have time for this!!”  _ Steven roars.  _ “I have a school to run and I’m tired of just sitting in bed!” _

He then turns to cough into his arm.   
“Steven, you need  _ rest _ right now,” Greg tries again, speaking calmly and softly.   
“Where’s Pearl.”   
“Why?”   
“She wouldn’t just leave me be at a time like this. Where is she?”   
Greg pauses, working through that logic a moment.   
“...Well, she went to go talk to Garnet.”   
“Why? Is something going on?”   
_ “You’re _ going on, kiddo.”   
“What?” Steven questions, straightening slightly.   
“Pearl got really concerned after we noticed you were having a nightmare, and we realized that this has been happening for kind of a while, since you’d clearly lost a lot of sleep lately.”   
Steven’s eyes widen in offense.   
“She went to talk to Garnet about what can be done about them, and see if we can’t help you out” Greg continues. “Or, at least, see if Garnet can figure out why they’re happening.”  
  
Steven moves to hug himself.   
“...I  _ know _ why they’re happening,” Steven whispers.   
“What was that, kiddo?”   
“I said I  _ know why they’re happening!” _ Steven yells at his father, enraged but too exhausted to do much else.  _ “I know exactly why they’re happening!” _

“Steven… why are you having these nightmares?” Greg asks with concern, reaching out.   
Steven swats his father’s hand away.   
“You wouldn’t understand! You weren’t there! No one was but--”   
Greg listens intently as Steven’s eyes widen.   
“....No one was but  _ Connie…” _ Steven finishes in a whisper. “Dad, I need my phone!”   
“What?”   
“I need my phone! I need to talk to Connie!”   
“Steven, it’s six in the morning.”   
Steven stops, then saddens.   
“...Look, kiddo. I’ll text Pearl to go get your phone on her way back, okay?”   
Steven hesitates, then looks away.   
“...Yeah. Okay.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late, tiny update this time, guys. Expect updates from now on to slow down, as I'm about to get pretty real-life busy. But don't worry! This will still be ongoing until otherwise specified!

“Are you  _ sure, _ Garnet?” Pearl asks nervously.  
  
“I’m sure. If he’s not willing to open up to us, there’s nothing I can do. I don’t see a single future where he talks this out.”  
  
“Not a single one?”  
  
“Not with  _ us.”  
_   
Pearl covers her mouth in concern and a speck of horror. If Steven won’t talk this all out, will he be losing sleep forever? Humans  _ need  _ sleep! Would this all just make Steven sick over and over?  
  
“Pearl,” Garnet states, making the thinner gem whip around to look at her. “Steven will be okay. Eventually.”  
  
“...Eventually?” Pearl squeaks nervously.  
  
“Yes. And that’s all that matters.”  
  
Pearl’s shoulders fall. Garnet’s words were only  _ somewhat _ reassuring. Seeing Steven at  _ all _ not-okay made her heart sink and her chest hurt.

  
Just as Garnet was about to say something else, Pearl felt her phone buzz from her gem and pulled it out.

“...Excuse me, Garnet. Apparently, Steven is in need of his cellular phone."  
  
Garnet purses her lips in displeasure as Pearl turns away to find Steven’s cell phone and charger.


	13. Chapter 13

_ Pulsing. _ _   
_ _   
_ **_Throbbing._ ** _   
_ _   
_ _ Everything just won’t stop  _ **_throbbing._ **

**_Aching._ **

**_Aching, throbbing, pulsing, painful, and it WON’T JUST. STOP._ **

**_  
_ ** **_STOP!!_ ** **  
** **  
** “Steven?” Greg questions, snapping Steven out of his pained trance. “I know you aren’t feeling well, but… is your head hurting?”  
  
“Huh? Oh, yeah. It’s… just a headache.”  
  
“If it hurts that badly, we can probably ask a doctor for some painkillers…” Greg suggests.  
  
Steven considers that.  
  
“...They probably have other patients to deal with."  
  
“Steven, if you’re in pain, that’s probably something a doctor here should  _ know. _ They already know you’re half gem, and they’re being really careful, if that’s what you’re worried about.”  
  
Steven brushes his hand against his gem, unsure. These nightmares… what if all this  _ was _ a gem thing after all? That something was wrong with his gem… that his  _ gem _ could be glitching, or rejecting his human half… It’s a terrifying thought.  
  
Steven’s eyes widen as he sees a glowing white butterfly flit past the hospital window. He tenses up as two more follow suit.

“Steven!” Greg calls with concern, making the boy flinch, gripping the material over his gem.

_ “What?!” _ Steven asks with slight panic.  
  
“Did you  _ see _ something?”  
  
_ “No!!” _ Steven practically shouts, visibly panicked.  
  
Greg raises his hands to shoulder height, worried by the look on his son’s face.  
  
“...Maybe you should get more rest if you’re starting to see things, buddy. It could be a sign that your fever spiked again.”  
  
Another butterfly flies by behind Greg’s head, making Steven stare at it in horror.  
  
Greg clenches his teeth as he watches his son’s expression change once more.  
  
“Listen, kiddo, I  _ really _ think you should get some more rest. You look scared half to  _ death.”  
_   
Steven’s eyes lock onto Greg’s, making the older man tense at Steven’s horrified, almost angry stare.

Greg swallows at nothing.  
  
“...uh… Pearl should be back with your phone soon…”  
  
Steven doesn’t answer, looking back at the window.  
  
Greg’s shoulders fall, and the room quiets.


	14. Chapter 14

_ Six, seven, eight… _

_ ….fourteen, fifteen, sixteen…. _

_ …. _

_ …. _

_...Too many. _

_ There are too many butterflies. Too many worrisome thoughts. Too many things you’re forcing out of your mind because it’s  _ **_just too much._ **

_ Too much to hope for. Too much to deal with. Too much that hurts. _

_ Too much. _

_ Maybe Connie isn’t the right call. _ _   
_ _... _

_...It’s okay to think about it? _

_ It doesn’t feel okay. _

_ No. Your eyes are closing. Stay awake.  _ **_Stay awake._ **

_ Pearl will get here soon. Pearl has your phone. Your phone means messaging Connie. Messaging Connie means talking about-- _ _   
  
_

_...Oh. _

_You never considered that you’d actually have to_ ** _talk_** _that out. Say the words. Admit it’s been bothering you for these last two years. Have Connie shout out the question, “Why didn’t you tell me this was bothering you_ ** _sooner?!_** _You promised we would face these things together!”_

_ Oh, stars. You promised her you’d face these things together. Is that promise broken? Does this count if you just… avoided thinking about it as much as you could? _

_ A glimpse of that split vision pops into your mind, overlapping memories of seeing yourself on the floor dying and begging for help but feeling almost nothing, and memories of begging that cold, unfeeling pink version of yourself for life support. _

_ You aren’t sure which one is more terrifying to remember. _

_ You were lying there, on the ground, shaking. Begging not to die. Your human half looked so pale. So exhausted. Like one of those kids in a cancer commercial. _

_ But you also remember what it  _ **_felt_ ** _ like to be there. To be on the floor in pain. To have all your nerves firing aimlessly. Deafened and shaky and unable to even so much as hold yourself up. _

_ You were dying, and you knew it. _

_ You brush your hand over your gem again, making sure it’s still there. You aren’t in that much pain now, and the occasional beep from a machine or your father shifting in his chair both reassure you that you can hear soft sounds just fine. You aren’t sure why you need constant reassurance that your gem is there right now, but you feel much more comfortable feeling its facets present behind the fabric of your shirt. _

“Steven?” Greg questions, making the teen snap out of his trance to look at him. “Is your stomach okay? Are you feeling nauseous again?”   
“Oh, no. I’m okay, Dad. I’m just thinking about some things, that’s all.”   
“...Is it about your mom?”   
Steven tenses.   
_ “No! _ I was thinking about….  _ Homeworld. _ And some stuff that happened there.”   
“...Oh. You don’t talk much about your expedition there. Rehashing their whole society.”   
“It was basically just a lot of commands. And saying that no one had to listen to the diamonds anymore. And… most of them only listened after understanding that  _ I’m _ also technically a diamond. So there’s that.”   
Steven takes a deep breath.   
“...That’s all there really is to say about it all. I’m just glad that part’s over.”

“Me, too,” Greg admits. “You were even busier  _ then _ than you are  _ now. _ And that’s saying something.”   
Steven seems to tire slightly.   
“Maybe you should take a break, Kiddo. From the school thing. Take some ‘you’ time so you can better help your students after feeling refreshed.”   
“...I’ll think about it.”

Steven quiets once more.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I'm sorry this chapter took so very long. I've been a bit ill myself, and I've been working on school and other projects. I hope to start posting more regularly...  
> That said, if you guys are interested in what else I write and make, especially Steven Universe related, I have an AU on Tumblr now! It's called the Grey AU, and its url is suau-grey(.)tumblr(.)com. It's about the gem species being fungus instead of rocks.
> 
> I hope this chapter was worth the unreasonably long wait. Again, I'm very sorry for that.

Steven wakes suddenly.

When had he fallen asleep?

He turned his head to look around the room, shortly spotting Greg sleeping on the hospital chair beside him, and Pearl in some sort of rest state, her eyes closed as well.

“...Uh, Pearl?”

“Oh,” she smiles, opening her eyes. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Steven paused to take stock. He still felt achy, and kind of nauseous. But he _did_ feel a little better than he had when he’d last remembered thinking about it.

“...Better,” Steven answers finally. “How long was I asleep?”

“Nearly an entire day,” Pearl sighs. “But you need the rest.”

“What about the _school?”_ Steven asks. “I haven’t been there! Has it gone okay?”

“We _cancelled school,_ Steven. The others and I have been keeping an eye on you. We haven’t had time for teaching.”

Steven’s heart sinks in his chest. Cancelled school? Over _this?_

“But… gems don’t _get_ sick!”

“But _you do.”_

“They don’t deserve to have school cancelled just because of _me!”_

“Steven, it’s going to be _okay._ Just make it up to them by using this time to get the rest you _need.”_

“I don’t _want_ to rest anymore! I need my scheduling supplies, I have to redo _everything_ now!”

 _“Steven!_ You are _going_ to _get some rest!”_

_“Make me!!”_

Pearl sighs, placing a hand against her forehead.

“....Look. You’re in no condition to be combative. You need rest and no one is letting you go home until your fever breaks. It’s best to try and let this pass _sooner_ rather than _later.”_

Steven pouts, looking away.  
“...Fine. I guess if I have to _redo everything,_ it doesn’t matter if it’s now or… later.”   
Pearl sighs with relief.   
_“Exactly,”_ she huffs. “Now--are you feeling alright enough to try _eating_ something?”   
Steven thinks for a moment.   
“...I don’t feel too nauseous, so probably?”   
“I’ll ask someone to get you something, then,” she says, then turns to find a nurse.

  
Steven watches her leave the room with curiosity.   
He hadn’t seen Garnet or Amethyst this whole time.   
Were they avoiding him?

Steven did not like that idea.

It was unreasonable, right? That his family would avoid him?

Wait--Pearl was getting his phone. Did she _have_ his phone?

Could he call Connie today?  
  


Did he _want_ to talk to Connie today?   
  


Steven felt a knot form in his stomach. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about _anything._ Maybe he could put this off… After all, not _every_ dream he’d had was a nightmare, so maybe he’d be okay!

Yeah!

Yeah, Steven was fine!

He didn’t need to talk to Connie! He didn’t need his cell phone, either!

And his family was probably in Little Homeworld reassuring everyone that school would be happening again soon, right? Right.

Right.

Steven leans back, resting his back against the hospital bed headboard.

He was _exhausted._ But right now, he needed food.

When was the last time he’d eaten?  
Steven recalls his vomiting session only a couple of days before, and frowns with disgust. It really had felt like the room was spinning, and thinking about it now made his stomach knots feel worse.   
Steven tries to clear his mind, hoping to himself that Pearl would be back soon, so he wouldn’t have to be alone with his thoughts like this.

But waiting...

Steven tries to ignore the butterfly he hears flitting behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm still working on this, actually! Guess the current world situation has had me a little... well, you get it, I'm sure.  
> I'm sorry, guys. There's really no excuse for how long the last couple chapters have taken me.  
> I'm going to get through this fic, and see it to the end, however long that takes!

Eating was a bad idea.

A horrible, awful, bad,  _ terrible _ idea.

His stomach had been hurting for what felt like an eternity, and at this point, Steven was wishing to the  _ stars _ that he would just  _ throw up _ already. Get it over with. Feel that strange sense of relief that came with being  _ done _ puking.

But instead, he was overheating, shivering in a cold sweat as the acid turned and churned like his insides were someone's shaken lava lamp, sometimes feeling like something was about to come up, but it never quite got there, everything burning a hole through him, or sitting like a rock at the bottom, weighing his whole body down.

With his arms wrapped around his middle, he continued to try to take deep breaths, more sweat rolling down his face as Pearl rubbed his arm, deeply concerned.

"How are you feeling, Steven?" she asks for likely the third time within an hour.

And, for the third time that hour, he gave a wordless whine in reply.

Why wouldn't he just throw up already!? He  _ knew  _ it was going to happen! It kept threatening, and looming, and if he could just get it  _ over _ with...!!

Greg had disappeared, likely to talk to one of the doctors. Steven wished he'd come back. Do something to distract from it all. Did humans really have a season where this happened to so many people!? How have humans  _ survived _ like this!?

He curls up as he feels his stomach churn, a wave of nausea hitting him again as he shivers.

_ Please throw up. _

_ Please get it over with… _

_ Just let me be done! _

But it wasn't going to be over with. It just had to churn and turn and swirl and move and creep…

Steven's skin crawled with another sudden wave of nausea.

" _ Pearrrrl… _ ." Steven whines.

"What is it, Steven?" she asks with great concern.

_ "How do I get it to stop?" _

"Get what to stop?"

_ "I keep thinking I'm gonna throw up… I just wanna throw up… I don't want anything in my stomach anymore." _

Pearl continues to pet his head, even more worried now.

"It's going to be okay, Steven," she promises, stroking his cheek. Her cool hand against his skin calmed him slightly. "It's going to be alright."

_ "Your hand is cold," _ Steven smiles slightly.

"Steven, my simulated mass is room temperature," she tells him. "My photons don't generate or draw in enough heat to--"

_ "It's nice,"  _ he interrupts.

He closes his eyes, focusing as much as he can on the coolness of her hand.


	17. Chapter 17

  
...

_ It’s raining. _

_ I’m not sure when it had become Autumn. Watching the leaves fall has always been fun. One of the joys of living on the Earth -- things change. Seasons, weather, scenery… _

_ People… _

_ I guess that stuff doesn’t doesn’t matter to me much these days. I’m always so busy. _

_ I guess I just need a break, huh? _

_ But… _

_ I don’t want a break. _

_ Breaks… give me too much time to think. I know that everything from before will just start haunting my thoughts and memories all over again. I hate admitting it to myself, but I just… I can’t do it. I can’t bear to think of that stuff right now! _

_ The Diamonds are good now, the Empire is over, and there are so many gems out there who are… different people. Good people. Good people doing their best in human society. _

_ There’s nothing left to fight for. _

_...So why am I…? _

_ Lightning. Thunder crashing. Hurts my ears and eyes right now. Jeez… when did I get this sensitive? _

_ I got through to Peridot for the first time in a thunderstorm. _

_ That was nice. _

_ Is that when I learned I like teaching? _

_ No, it was sooner than that. Teaching human customs to the gems at home. Like cooking. Not even Pearl understood cooking at all early on. And now she’s quite good at it. _

_ Boy, I’ve taught them all a lot. _

_ They’ve taught me everything. _

_ Everything except… what I need to know to be human. _

_...I guess I kind of got carried away wanting to be a Crystal Gem before. When I was a kid. I wish I’d learned more about my human heritage. I wish I’d thought to ask. Now all I know is gem stuff, and almost nothing about how humans work. Human bodies, human lives, human doctors and nurses and jobs where people get paid… _

_ Is that… what I want? _

_ No… _

_ I want a  _ **_distraction._ **

_ And where I am now is both an excellent distraction, _

_ and way too much time to think. _


	18. Chapter 18

Finally home again.   
Finally!

Steven flops face first onto his own bed in his own home. Practically hugging the sheets. No more weird-smelling white room! No more weird needle in his arm! No more weird tingling coldness from the IV!

“Remember, Steven,” Pearl lectures, “you’re still on  _ strict _ bedrest, so I expect you to  _ stay in bed. _ No working on Little Homeschool, keep movement to a minimum, and  _ keep drinking fluids, _ like those doctors said, or you’ll end up right back at the hospital all over again.”   
  
“I  _ know, _ Pearl. You were saying stuff like this the entire day yesterday,” Steven grumbles. Then, under his breath, _ “And so were the doctors.” _   
  


“I just want to be sure you understand the severity of this, Steven! You had been  _ begging _ me for the schedule to work on it for  _ days!” _   
  
“Because it needs to get done.”   
  


“It can get done later!”   
  


“We’re making gems wait!”   
  


“Steven, they have  _ all eternity!” _   
  


With that, Steven quiets, pouting as he looks away.

Pearl takes a deep breath, then sighs heavily.

“Look,” she says. “I’m just worried about you. You have a tendency to overwork yourself, and the last thing I want is to see you unwell.”

Steven doesn’t answer, simply moving to get ready for bed.

Pearl takes that as her signal to leave.


End file.
